Make him feel like a piece of meat: “It’s a huge turn-on to hear a woman objectify me,” 30-year-old Christopher says. “It seems simple, but it’s so powerful.” Take his words to heart and don’t be afraid to tell your guy everything you like about his body or what he does that drives you crazy. He’ll be obsessed.
That’s not what objectification means. That’s not making him feel like a piece of meat. That’s just sexual compliments. Yeah, sure, it’s easy to say “I don’t know what those ladies are complaining about, you can objectify me anytime” if you think it means your girlfriend tells you you have sexy abs.
Objectification is focusing on a person’s usefulness to you with total disregard for their desires. In the context of compliments, it’s not saying “You turn me on.” It’s saying “You turn me on, and whether you want to turn me on is utterly irrelevant.”
Saying “nice ass” to a person who’s deliberately wiggling their ass at you is a compliment; saying “nice ass” to a person who’s just walking by is objectification. “I want to sleep with her” is expressing desire; “I’d hit it” is objectification. “You’re sexy” is nice to say on a date because it’s a compliment; “you’re sexy” is hideously undermining to say at a business meeting because it’s objectification.” —
I’ve never been able to work it out like this before ah yes this is it.
of course guys think its attractive to have low self esteem it means they’ve succeeded in forcing you to internalize the bullshit that makes them the arbiters of your self worth and gives them power over you for your whole life don’t fall for it love yourself and delete what makes you beautiful from your itunes
meanwhile dudes get to be all “Sexy and I Know It”
Interesting, thank you!
Thank you! And I’m happy to tell you anything I can think of. I am pretty satisfied with it overall but I’ll try to summarize the problems I do have/I’ve seen other people have. A lot of the people I know who transferred did so more because it was not a great fit— I know a few people who were from the West Coast and wanted to be closer to home, and someone who realized she wanted to be at a bigger university rather than a liberal arts college. And, of course, there are folks who want more of a coed experience, though there are fewer than you might think. Some other things:
- it’s expensive. Depending on your circumstances, this may or may not be a problem. I have several jobs that I work, I always have to plan on making money in the summer, and I am going to be in debt for a very long time but it’s worth it to me. Also, people have different experiences, but I found Bryn Mawr offered me better financial aid than any of the other liberal arts schools I applied to.
- it can be intense in a few different ways. Academically it’s pretty intense, not only in terms of having a rigorous workload, but also in terms of being surrounded by people who really care about what they’re studying. This was one of the reasons why I came to Bryn Mawr but if you don’t want your studies to be a primary feature of the emotional landscape of you and your peers Bryn Mawr might not be right. It’s also intense in terms of community, and again, this is something that I like about it but it can be hard for me and seems to be even harder for many of my peers. There’s definitely a “bubble” and being in such a small school means everyone knows your business. There’s also, like, a lot of crying and hugging because of Bryn Mawr feels so if that sort of thing makes you feel uncomfortable it’s something to consider. To me it feels like being in a big tight-knit Mormon family but many people seem to feel smothered/a little creeped out.
- the administration is in kind of a weird place right now. A bunch of people left (including the president of the college) recently and won’t be here next year, so it will be in kind of a strange transitional space… I honestly can’t say what it will be like but it might be something to consider.
- the college community could definitely be less elitist in a lot of ways. I am very much class-privileged, especially in terms of education, but less so than most Bryn Mawr students and the culture shock from coming from a high school where I felt especially privileged in terms of class to somewhere where everyone seems to have access to a lot more money than me is jarring and I still haven’t really gotten used to it. I don’t know if that’s particular to Bryn Mawr, though, or just a product of moving closer toward the ocean and also going to college.
I’ve also heard students say that racial issues are a big problem for them at Bryn Mawr. I have white privilege so I really don’t feel like I can make a well-informed comment about how this plays out but I know there are other people on tumblr who could tell you more about race at Bryn Mawr a lot better than I could. The same goes for trans* issues, I know it’s something BMC has problems with but don’t have any authority to give you a good description.
- a lot of people are frustrated with the social life on campus. I grew up about five minutes from Brigham Young University so any party whatsoever seems pretty wild to me but lots of people seem dissatisfied. I will say that I spend a lot of my weekends in the library. Similarly, dating can be frustrating no matter what kind of person you usually like to date— if you think you’ll be dating Bryn Mawr students it seems like the Bryn Mawr spit chain is a frustrating/incestuous experience for many people and if you want to date people off-campus, well, good luck getting off campus. To draw on anecdotal experience, I haven’t made out with anyone since I came to college (to be fair, I’m a scary feminist harpy who doesn’t put out so Bryn Mawr might not be the problem). I know lots of Mawrtyrs with happy satisfying love lives but I know many more Mawrtyrs who are sexually frustrated/a little lonely.
- brochures etc will tell you that we have a fun and wonderful relationship with Haverford and to a lesser extend Swarthmore and UPenn. Our relationship with Haverford tends to be a little, shall we say, strained and that weird animosity can be stressful. I blame the patriarchy.
- you might feel like you have to choose between having a kitchen and being a fully participating part of the community because of on-campus/off-campus housing culture.
I hope I’ve painted a sufficiently pessimistic picture for you. I can’t think of anything else, but good luck on your decision! Honestly, I wish I had applied ED, it would have saved me a lot of trouble. And this totally isn’t a weird question, this is exactly the kind of information that is hard to figure out if you can’t find an impartial Mawrtyr who can tell you about it. Again, good luck, and just know that Bryn Mawr seemed too good to be true when I was applying and I still don’t really feel disillusioned three years in.